Author: Senica Slaton

Let’s Talk About Love

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I have recently been obsessed with Monet McMichael and her relationship with Jalen Noble because I feel like this is one of the healthiest relationships I have seen on social media ever in my life. And I watched a podcast episode that Jalen was a guest in called The Man Enough Podcast: Finding Love Within: Jalen Noble’s Story of Healing, Love, and Second Chances. After listening to this podcast episode it reminded me of a conversation I had with a woman that I looked up to. She has been married for a while now(I think 8 years) and has two children with her husband. She told me that she knew within 3 months of being with her now husband that she would marry him one day. I was shocked. Everything I had ever known was that it takes being with someone for years before knowing that’s going to work out in a marriage and that those years together were never wasted because how could you know before then. Now I will say, this is a situation where they were not friends before and he asked her out(it was not a friend-to-lovers arch which I think is totally different). So between these two conversations essentially, I have been rethinking what love is. Especially in the sense of the three loves I was taught exist your first love, the love of your life, and your soulmate.

I am now rethinking this. And I now think that these three loves can show up in your life in different ways. I feel like the word love in our society puts a lot of emphasis on romantic love when really there are tons of different kinds of love in the world. There is self-love, familial love, platonic love, and probably more.

For example, I think I am my own first love. Not in the sense in which I thought of it before, but in the sense that I can’t love anyone else until I love myself. My mother taught me this at a young age and I have always gone back and forth between if I do love myself or if I don’t love myself. Which I would think ultimately means I don’t love myself fully. But I feel like I do now. It’s literally taken all of my life for me to get here, but I feel confident in saying that I love myself. I love what I look like, and what I sound like, I love how I feel about myself. I love the people that I have let into my life and I love my morals and values. I love my spirituality and all of my passions. I love feeling proud of myself for accomplishing something. I love it when I say the word delulu(because it’s so cute!). I love when I am painting or building Legos. I love how I am working on being a better version of myself every single day. I love how when things get hard for me, I push through and keep thinking about how much better life is when I take care of myself. I love all of my delusions because even though I am in therapy, I still have quite a few of them. But I can recognize that they are delusions. Which makes it semi-more healthy(I think). And there are so many more things that I love about myself. I also think it is important for me to note that even though I have been on dating apps and a date(singular) I have never been ready to be in a relationship and emotionally and physically commit to being with someone. So as many times as I have graciously quoted the racist and misogynistic movie, Sixteen Candles, when Molly Ringwald’s character, Samantha Baker, says “Donger’s been here five hours and he’s got somebody. I live here my entire life and I’m like a disease.”. But really I just haven’t been ready to be in a relationship, because I have spent so much of my time trying to figure out how to love myself and if I do love myself. Which I do. I can confidently say that now!

But I also think there should be more of an emphasis of plantic love in our life. And how the love of our life or maybe our soulmate is one of platonic love. I feel like I see a lot on social media about platonic soulmates, and how while they are platonic soulmates, they are also in healthy romantic relationships. Which I find to be amazing! Let’s normalize platonic love taking up a big part of our lives. When I went on my first date I saw a video on Tik Tok where a guy had said that if a guy doesn’t want to hang out with you more than once a week then he’s not into you, I was generally shocked. Who said anything about me spending more than one day a week with a guy? What about my friends or family? When am I supposed to have time for them? I could not believe it! But the more I think about it, it makes sense. I mean if you are going to marry this person then you should be gradually spending more and more time with them. Anyways, I feel like I have a lot of love in my life, in the form of friendships. I have learned a lot about myself through my friendships over the years and what I am and am not willing to put up with in someone who is supposed to have my back in life. And when I think about who I want with me throughout my life, I think of three of my closest friends. Who I know will always pick up when I call. They will always repsond to my text. They will always be there for me through everything and I know I will always cherish them in my life. They are my best friends, they are my 4lifers, they are the loves(plural) of my life. And I think the same thing can go for a soulmate. Your soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic. It can be platonic. And that’s great!

Ultimately I feel like there needs to be a normalization of two things/these are two things I am going to normalize in my life: 1. having different types of important love in my life that is not romantic. Having strong friendships throughout my marriage and life, strong ties to family, and the strongest bond with myself, because without self-love, there is no other love for me to give. And then 2. normalizing intersectionality between the different types of love. Just because my first love is myself, doesn’t mean that your first love is yourself. Just because the love(s) of my life are my friends, doesn’t mean that’s the way it is for you. There is a difference in how love will show up in all of our lives. And some people will meet someone at 5 years old and they will be their best friend and will one day marry them. Others may never have romantic love in their life. It doesn’t matter how much advice I take from other people, the love in my life will look and feel different for me. Because ultimately love is a very personal emotion that looks and feels different for everyone. It’s okay for love to show up differently for you. It’s life. It’s all going to be different for all of us.

You’re Not Behind (I promise)

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I don’t know about y’all, but sometimes I feel like I am really behind in life. No matter if it has to do with love, friendships, career, or education(those last two are arguably interchangeable). I have never been in a relationship, I used to feel like I didn’t have enough friends/enough satisfying friendships, and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to be prepared for my future. But I was wrong/am still wrong.

This is especially hard for me because as a Southern who is attending university in the Northeast, I feel like it doesn’t matter where I go I am constantly faced with another part of a life I am failing at. When I’m home(or on social media even) I see all these people who are in committed relationships and will probably get married one day. Or I see people who are a few years older than me getting married. And I often question if I am falling behind in when it comes to my love life. It’s even that I know women in their 30s who are still single and not happy. I’m scared that’s going to be me one day. Then I end up spiraling into what kind of mother I would be, if I have even had kids, and how can I be a good mother and have a successful career. So that makes me want to delay having kids until I’m well into my 30s because I don’t want to be a stay-at-home (not that there is anything wrong with that), I personally need to have constant stimulation to keep myself occupied. But honestly, it’s okay to have never been in a relationship before. I have to remind myself that everyone’s life looks differently and no one’s life is going to look the exact same as mine. There is nothing wrong with never having been in a relationship before and the right person for me will be okay with that.

Now moving on to friendships. This one is less FOMO and more jealousy. Because up until recently, I have really struggled with friendships my whole life. All the time growing up my friends were constantly moving either to new schools or to a new town. I always felt left out and left behind. And watching different TV shows or when you go to jr. high and high school and meet kids from other elementary schools, all I would see are people who were in friendships since Kindergarten or Pre-K. Even leaving high school, I only talk to four people who went to my high school(two in my graduating class). This caused me to always feel like I was missing something in my friendships. And honestly, a lot of it comes from how I grew up in a predominately white area and had predominately white friends. It wasn’t until college that I had multiple black and brown women around me. When I say I felt like I was missing out on something, I was. The community I gained from being around and creating friendships with black and brown women was astronomical. I had never felt more seen and understood before then. I say this to say, it gets better. Especially once you find your place at university, you really do find your people and start being apart of a community that helps you grow and feel seen!

Lastly, career and education. Now for some people these are separate, but for me personally, they go hand in hand, so I am combining them. I went to public school my whole life. Most everyone I knew growing up did. Private schools/charter schools are not a big deal where I am from and our public schools are actually really good. So when I started at my liberal arts college, I was surprised to learn the number of people who already knew each other because they had been attending the same private schools since they were in pre-school together. I was really shocked by this because I assumed that most people who went to my school would be going in without knowing anyone and would be trying to make new friends, I was wrong. Now a lot of private school kids did branch out to make new friends, but still, I felt like I was being left out because I was struggling to make friends and figure out my friendships, while they already had each other. Not only that but a lot of my peers attended really good private schools and had (what is considered to be) some of the best education before university that money can buy. I went to a public school, that wasn’t underfunded but was over-crowed and understaffed. While my peers went to private schools where all activities had a healthy budget and teachers acted more like professors. Or it’s even like how a lot of them are from Los Angles or New York City and are able to get internships close to home, just because they live in or near a major metropolitan area. While I personally live in a suburb where there are really limited opportunities for me to have a summer internship near me. And I know that if I was to gain a summer internship in New York City or Los Angeles, I would have to figure out transportation and housing for myself because my immediate family does not live in those areas. And honestly, it stresses me out. And watching all these other people have jobs or internships in their desired fields makes me feel behind. I feel like I am not doing enough to get ahead and to be planning for my future. Which isn’t true. I have to constantly remind myself that I am only 19. It’s okay that I don’t have a summer internship this year or that I am working a paying job in my desired field. That is totally normal and I still have time to do a summer internship. I have plenty of time. I need to slow down and calm down.

For anyone who can relate to me. It’s okay. We are okay. We are doing great! We just need to stop comparing ourselves to others. FOMO is real and it is okay to feel left out or behind. But we aren’t. It doesn’t matter if we are 50 and still have never been married, we still aren’t behind. We are just taking life at our own pace. It’s okay to be jealous of people who know what they are doing in life while you still don’t know what to major in. It’s okay to question your major. It’s okay to change your career one day. Everything is ultimately going to be okay and none of us are behind. I promise! I hope this was helpful and makes you feel less alone in your FOMO. Because sometimes, if I know one of my friendships is also feeling the same FOMO it makes me feel so much better and so much less alone. And honestly, that’s part of what FOMO is just being scared of being alone and unsuccessful. And as someone who is a young, ambitious, person of color, being alone and unsuccessful are my two biggest fears. But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. And I’m okay. And so are you(at least considering FOMO, I don’t know what else is going on in your life, but I do generally hope you are okay!).

Moving (Back) To College Feels

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As someone going across the country to do her second year at college, I have been reflecting a lot on the last year. The first thing that I want to say is that the excitement that I had to go to college a year ago is still here. I am still excited to go and ready to see my friends again. I’m excited about my classes and to spend time with my favorite professor. I have a lot going for me this year that I didn’t have last year, the most important one being a support system. Between friendships and professors, I have a good support system that I know will be there for me through anything. And I think that is the biggest reason why there is no anxiety going into this semester, but rather a sense of readiness and fun looking ahead of me. But don’t get me wrong I am going to miss home. Like spending time with my parents, playing with my dogs, my parent’s cooking, and my hometown friends. And yes I have cried about going back, especially when I know what is looming after college graduation: the unknown of adulting *dun* *dun* duuuuuuuuunnnnnnnn*. But I know I am where I am suppose to be and that’s what is important right now, not the uknown of the future.

But I would also like to say that just because I am ready to go back to college as a sophomore, doesn’t mean that all sophomores are. And that it’s totally okay to not be ready to go back to college. One of my best friends isn’t ready to go back yet. But that doesn’t mean that she won’t have a great year/that she didn’t have a great first year. Because we both did, just in really different ways. Or there are sophomores and juniors that will be starting over again after transferring, and might be just as nervous as the new freshman coming in, since it is a different culture and space to be than before.

Whatever your situation is, what you are feeling is normal. Sadness, happiness, excitement, anxiety, or even grief(especially if you are a freshman or senior grieving the end of an era). There is no right way to feel about college or do college. And as long as you feel good about your choice to be in college/know it is what is needed for you before entering the workforce, then try all you can to make it feel like home. And honestly, sometimes the first college you choose isn’t home, and that’s totally okay(that’s why transferring exists). Just give it your all. Try new things. Meet new people. Maybe try and take a class that is not in your favorite subject matter/major(if possible I know my university has an open curriculum yours might not). But ultimately college is what you make of it. And no matter how much you love your school it is totally normal to be sad to go no matter if you are five minutes away from home or five hours or twenty-five hours. And good luck this semester. It might be a busy one(I know mine is!).

Welcome!!!

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Hi!!! And Welcome to Young Ambitious and POC!! My name is Senica and I am a 19-year-old college student. As a woman of color(my ethnicity is Mexican and Black) I have recently found myself re-evaluating the content and media I consume. Everything from books to movies, TV shows, podcasts, and social media. And once I started going through my following lists on Instagram and TikTok I realized, I am barely consuming any POC creators. Which is so messed up! So I started unfollowing all of the white creators I followed and started searching for POC creators to replace them. And (un)shockingly I did not find many. So after a lot of pestering on my end, to my friends about if I would be good at being an influencer, I decided to start my blog/podcast, Young Ambitious, and POC. Because I am a POC who is young, and too ambitious for my own good!

This blog is a part of my podcast, but I will not discuss the same things here. Here is quite simply a random word dump for things that inspire me or my thoughts. It’s almost like a public journal without 90% of the vulnerability. This blog is all about the random things that are not long enough to be a podcast episode but still deserve the spotlight and a conversation. I hope you all enjoy this little blog!