I don’t know about y’all, but sometimes I feel like I am really behind in life. No matter if it has to do with love, friendships, career, or education(those last two are arguably interchangeable). I have never been in a relationship, I used to feel like I didn’t have enough friends/enough satisfying friendships, and I felt like I wasn’t doing enough to be prepared for my future. But I was wrong/am still wrong.

This is especially hard for me because as a Southern who is attending university in the Northeast, I feel like it doesn’t matter where I go I am constantly faced with another part of a life I am failing at. When I’m home(or on social media even) I see all these people who are in committed relationships and will probably get married one day. Or I see people who are a few years older than me getting married. And I often question if I am falling behind in when it comes to my love life. It’s even that I know women in their 30s who are still single and not happy. I’m scared that’s going to be me one day. Then I end up spiraling into what kind of mother I would be, if I have even had kids, and how can I be a good mother and have a successful career. So that makes me want to delay having kids until I’m well into my 30s because I don’t want to be a stay-at-home (not that there is anything wrong with that), I personally need to have constant stimulation to keep myself occupied. But honestly, it’s okay to have never been in a relationship before. I have to remind myself that everyone’s life looks differently and no one’s life is going to look the exact same as mine. There is nothing wrong with never having been in a relationship before and the right person for me will be okay with that.

Now moving on to friendships. This one is less FOMO and more jealousy. Because up until recently, I have really struggled with friendships my whole life. All the time growing up my friends were constantly moving either to new schools or to a new town. I always felt left out and left behind. And watching different TV shows or when you go to jr. high and high school and meet kids from other elementary schools, all I would see are people who were in friendships since Kindergarten or Pre-K. Even leaving high school, I only talk to four people who went to my high school(two in my graduating class). This caused me to always feel like I was missing something in my friendships. And honestly, a lot of it comes from how I grew up in a predominately white area and had predominately white friends. It wasn’t until college that I had multiple black and brown women around me. When I say I felt like I was missing out on something, I was. The community I gained from being around and creating friendships with black and brown women was astronomical. I had never felt more seen and understood before then. I say this to say, it gets better. Especially once you find your place at university, you really do find your people and start being apart of a community that helps you grow and feel seen!

Lastly, career and education. Now for some people these are separate, but for me personally, they go hand in hand, so I am combining them. I went to public school my whole life. Most everyone I knew growing up did. Private schools/charter schools are not a big deal where I am from and our public schools are actually really good. So when I started at my liberal arts college, I was surprised to learn the number of people who already knew each other because they had been attending the same private schools since they were in pre-school together. I was really shocked by this because I assumed that most people who went to my school would be going in without knowing anyone and would be trying to make new friends, I was wrong. Now a lot of private school kids did branch out to make new friends, but still, I felt like I was being left out because I was struggling to make friends and figure out my friendships, while they already had each other. Not only that but a lot of my peers attended really good private schools and had (what is considered to be) some of the best education before university that money can buy. I went to a public school, that wasn’t underfunded but was over-crowed and understaffed. While my peers went to private schools where all activities had a healthy budget and teachers acted more like professors. Or it’s even like how a lot of them are from Los Angles or New York City and are able to get internships close to home, just because they live in or near a major metropolitan area. While I personally live in a suburb where there are really limited opportunities for me to have a summer internship near me. And I know that if I was to gain a summer internship in New York City or Los Angeles, I would have to figure out transportation and housing for myself because my immediate family does not live in those areas. And honestly, it stresses me out. And watching all these other people have jobs or internships in their desired fields makes me feel behind. I feel like I am not doing enough to get ahead and to be planning for my future. Which isn’t true. I have to constantly remind myself that I am only 19. It’s okay that I don’t have a summer internship this year or that I am working a paying job in my desired field. That is totally normal and I still have time to do a summer internship. I have plenty of time. I need to slow down and calm down.

For anyone who can relate to me. It’s okay. We are okay. We are doing great! We just need to stop comparing ourselves to others. FOMO is real and it is okay to feel left out or behind. But we aren’t. It doesn’t matter if we are 50 and still have never been married, we still aren’t behind. We are just taking life at our own pace. It’s okay to be jealous of people who know what they are doing in life while you still don’t know what to major in. It’s okay to question your major. It’s okay to change your career one day. Everything is ultimately going to be okay and none of us are behind. I promise! I hope this was helpful and makes you feel less alone in your FOMO. Because sometimes, if I know one of my friendships is also feeling the same FOMO it makes me feel so much better and so much less alone. And honestly, that’s part of what FOMO is just being scared of being alone and unsuccessful. And as someone who is a young, ambitious, person of color, being alone and unsuccessful are my two biggest fears. But it’s okay. It’s going to be okay. And I’m okay. And so are you(at least considering FOMO, I don’t know what else is going on in your life, but I do generally hope you are okay!).